14 February 2020
New Delhi: Posing can be really harmful as a multifarious stream of self-obsessed selfie images could single your narcissistic streak. Vaibhav Datar Midlife Coach and author of 'Simplify your Life' shares some thoughts on this.
Excessive selfie-clicks' can reflect the tendency of less intimacy which is a sign of reverberating a bad impression towards your partner and setting a negative tone to your relationship.
It's not just about immoderate self-photography, selfies as a mainstay of posting in social media platforms such as Instagram, Facebook or twitter which speculates that if one partner frequently posts attractive pictures, the other partner may feel jealous or threatened.
A study from Florida university academics Jessica Ridgway and Russell Clayton researched and shockingly found that people who are obsessed with their body image post more selfies to Instagram i.e. they confidently show off.
But in turn, those couples reportedly have the potential of ending up in poorer relationships due to constant conflicts about the attention others pay to the photos online. Jealous arguments take place and it deteriorates the quality of relationships. Copious amounts of selfie-clicking and posting is an obsessive compulsive desire that can be polarizing things between you and your partner. And that's not quite right! The effect can create a magnetic withdrawal from the feeling of committed ecstasy, disconnectedness physically and emotionally and also can fume a loss of attraction due to non sense rigidity.
This also explodes excessive ghosting and constant monitoring of the partner's social media feeds, which leads to relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (RCOD) that instantly makes one's doubts and fears blur reality. Thus, causing them to become obsessive about whether they're happy with their partner. While the study didn't measure this sort of behaviour but other research revealed how social media surveillance of a romantic partner is linked with obsession, jealousy, insecurity and dissatisfaction in a relationship.
More attention to the photo received from followers, more it creates an endless cycle of doubting which can lead to conflicts, cheating or even break-up. Also it highly reflects narcissism which is characterised by grandiose - selfish, self-regarded, a need for attention and admiration, vanity, exploitative attitude towards your partner or others.
High Sign of Narcissist
Narcissists' consciousness with their body image and their obsessiveness towards getting attention and admiration is the reason why they post more selfies and are addicted to social media.
A narcissist with self-esteem issues are more conscious about their physical appearances may also use photo-editing software or filters to make themselves look better. They may also take up exercise routine or diet regime to consistently work upon their body.
Narcissists for their appearances may often be judged positively by their partner at the beginning of the relationship but in the middle or at the end things may get irritating because a narcissist may always view their relationship as an opportunity to flaunt and ego validation and make the other person feel alienated. Over time, however, relationships are adversely affected due to self-centeredness.
How to over your Selfie-obsession and enhance your relationship?
With the prevalence of smartphones having high-quality selfie cameras, clicking and posting of the selfie has reached a to an epidemic level, this phenomenon has not even exempted the funerals of any family member or leaders due to obsessiveness and it is a physiological fall out.
As the issue of self- obsession and self-consciousness is born from the desire to please others so that you fit into others criteria. When you feel self-obsessed or self-consciousness, your ego is actively involved which diminishes the state of self-awareness and self acceptance.
Stop Objectifying yourself
If you expose yourself to the environment to seek validation or other people's approval, or you want to make yourself feel like you belong somewhere, you are in big trouble! By this objectifying behaviour, you are essentially exposing yourself that you are someone who cannot be trusted and that other peoples opinion on you matters the most. So you are not the likes or comments you get on Instagram, you are beyond that which requires self-acceptance in its own beautiful way and let not others determine your value through your post and comments.
Becoming "Self" Conscious and not self-conscious
Instead of being more self-conscious, the aim of becoming more mindful about your inner critic. Unbiasedly judge what is going on in your surroundings. Become aware and mindful about the negative-self talk, the inner critic within you who is constantly making you perceive a different reality of the world which isn't true. Instead of always tuning the inner critic inside your head, you need to acknowledge the real intrinsic within you which is not that you're truly passionate about getting pictured or filtered, it's about resolving the self-doubt, becoming aware of who you are and what is your responsibility towards self and the people you really love the most.
Get rid of the fear of Shame or Embarrassment
Living with self-obsession and self-consciousness means living in a world where every circumstance becomes a potential threat to the survival and we experience "fear" of rejection, shame or embarrassment if we tend to miss out something. The solution is to deal with such a situation with sub-consciousness where we must engage ourselves in low-risk physical social situations with our partner and others and experience positive interactions. It's easier to become less self-conscious, the more you hide it, the more you would be able to combat the feeling of fear and awkwardness.